Humor

Many of the humor quotes are uncredited and from unknown sources.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

You can’t tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

There is no substitute for genuine lack of preparation.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

The facts, although interesting, are generally irrelevant.

Things are more like they are today than they have ever been before.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.

HAPPINESS is merely the remission of pain.

I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that LIFE is serious.

This is as bad as it can get…but don’t bet on it.

Never wrestle with a pig: you both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

There is always ONE MORE difficult person than you counted on.

The trouble with life is, you’re halfway through it before you realize it’s a “do it yourself” thing.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with EXPERIENCE.

In any given set of circumstances, the proper course of action is determined by subsequent events.

If a job is NOT worth doing, it is not worth doing right.

Urgency varies inversely with importance.

No real problem has a solution.

When there is no solution, there is no problem.

Asking dumb questions is much easier than correcting dumb mistakes.

We get so involved with the URGENT around here, we never have time for the IMPORTANT.

TALK is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.” Granville Hicks

The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time. Joe Girard

If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

The secret of SUCCESS is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

It is AMAZING how long it takes to complete something you are NOT working on.

If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

Teamwork…means never having to take all the blame yourself.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

We waste time, so you don’t have to.

Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos…then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Half the people you know are below average.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.  Charles M. Schulz

The trouble with normal is that it always gets worse.   Bruce Cockburn (via Twitter commprofbob)

Young people make up 26% of U.S. but 100% of the future.  @debraprice81 (Twitter)

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